Focusing Expectations

This interesting article on Mediate.com is recommended reading for those PDR practitioners, especially FDRPs.

An interesting article on Mediate.com, “Expectations Great and Small” is recommended reading for those PDR practitioners, especially FDRPs.

Although focusing on workplace disputes, the parallels to parenting disputes are obvious as;

Parents are bound to seek a common goal because of their children;
Poor communication is usually the catalyst for parenting disputes;
Each parent is usually defensive of their position and critical of the other’s;

The goal (mutual interests) for the workplace mediation was interesting and again, one can see similar interests being a part of a FDR. To explain what is meant by that the following table is produced;

Workplace Dispute Goals	Parenting Dispute Goals
Improve their self-control	Improve self-control / anger management (especially in presence of children)
Lower expectations from a relationship of “friendship” to one of “co-worker”	Lower expectations that the co-parenting relationship will have any emotional attachment and move to a business-like co-parenting model
Restrict communications to those necessary to get the job done	Restrict all communications to necessary parenting arrangements and ESPR or other notifiable issues
Be civil in communications	Be civil in communications. Attend a POPs course.
Avoid sensitive topics in communications	Avoid sensitive topics in communications
Eliminate insults	Non-denigration
If conflict arose in the future they would not share it with other co-workers	Don’t communication issues / disputes via children
If conflict arose, engage HR	If conflict arose, engage in FDR
Let go of issues that cannot be repaired or resolved	Let go of issues that cannot be repaired or resolved

This is just an example as each parenting dispute is different but the concept of “tamping down expectations” and promoting ways to make the best of the reality of the situation will probably lead to more solutions and resolutions.